It all really began in high school. Of course before high school my hair had been through chemical damage as I wore a relaxer since the age of 12. I found that I loved to cut and style my hair via lots of heat. I loved wearing braids, twists (both with fake hair) and fake ponytails. I was already infatuated with fashion, trends and looking "unique". I wanted ALL eyes on me. That was my goal. To walk down the hallways and school just to find people staring and even whispering about how gorgeous I was. My thinking was clearly off and absolutely disgusting to God.
So it all began junior year when I dyed my hair for the first time. Red.
I thought I was cute.
I thought I was "creative".
My hair was unique.
My hair was flashy.
No one knew it but.....
My hair was falling out and breaking off by the inches.
So, I chopped it all off.
[16 years old, with a buzzed cut in the back, bangs in the front, spiked on top]
After about a year I started to let it grow back. And of course the dying continued. Whatever color it was clearly wasn't cute enough so dyed it all brown..
All the while I continued to cut and trim and straighten and curl...
You weren't likely to see me without my hair "done"
I didn't quite like the brown so I added highlights..
This pic above is right after I dyed my hair..
Notice how dull and dry my hair looks just several weeks later..
Doesn't it make you wanna throw some oil on my hair?! lol
WILD FIRE ALERT! LOL
Are you starting to see the damage in the pics yet?? The light highlights grew old to me. And I didn't want it quite so light anymore. So I dyed it brown with cinnamon highlights. Of course, with new dye came a new cut. I was scissor crazy! Notice that my hair never really grows in length.. because I was constantly cutting and trimming it to handle the self imposed damage!!
I got tired of those so I decided to dye the top light and the bottom dark... My hair was so porous at this point that it nearly absorbed this light color within 7 minutes of applying the dye. And within a week, the light part was already breaking off. Notice the breakage in the pic..
Again, no length retention.
Then I decided to add some tracks.. I wanted to have some length... I was tired of my hair being the same length! haha. I honestly couldn't figure out why it wasn't growing ya'll!
Just several weeks later, notice the many
I was losing more hair than I was "preserving".
Oh and to give my hair a "break" I would just put more fake hair in, and put it into tight braids. But of course normal black or dark brown wasn't suffice. I had to stand out and I had to be seen! So there I went in my blonde braids..
You know, here is another reason why I DO NOT watch television or movies! I don't even OWN a television,I do not have cable, I don't own one single movie, no dvds or anything of the sort. What a terrible image it sets of what defines beauty. It is repulsive. Lets see, the last time I checked 98% of the black women had dyed, colored (generally as light as they could get it without looking too ridiculous) and fake hair! On top of that it is almost always straight and doesn't even look like black hair. My word. Furthermore, women with natural hair were just thrown into the neo-soul, eclectic category. Hmm. What irony... Once in college I got into modeling. I would have you know, unfortunately, this was my favorite picture of myself for years. Light eyes, light skin, and my hair looked blonde.
Nothing was good enough for me! I remember the movie, "The Devil Wears Prada." That was one of my favorite movies because it represented what I wanted to happen to me. Just an ordinary girl turned into a fasionista. I kid you not, every single time I watched this movie I would go to my bathroom and cut my hair, dye my hair or go shopping for new clothes. I did whatever necessary to look and feel like a diva. After all, I was modeling and I was cute! Right?...
I hope by now you are noticing a pattern. I was never satisfied. Never content. Never happy with how I looked. I was always trying to revamp and recreate myself. It went deeper than self-esteem. It went deeper than feeling inadequate with myself. I was depressed. I had self hatred on the inside. It seemed that no matter what I did, I never felt beautiful. Instead I felt empty. And at the end of the day, no matter how many compliments I got, I still felt inadequate. I still cried myself to sleep. I still felt that no one would ever love me for me. It went deeper than my emotional and mental pain. It was a matter of being totally and utterly out of the will of God. For those of you reading this, who may know the exact feeling I am expressing here, I am telling you that you will forever feel incomplete without God.
I remember the day that I met my husband. I even remember what I was wearing. (smile) It was the spring of 2008. I thought I was cute with my weave and jet black hair. But you know what, he didn't compliment me then. He didn't compliment me when my weave was curled. He didn't compliment me in my designer jeans and stilettos. The very first compliment my husband gave me was when I was in an orange and plaid dress, with an orange sweater, my hair in its natural state all pinned up, no make up and my glasses. He told me he loved the way I was dressed and he loved my hair when it was natural.
I was shocked.
Here was a super cute white boy, who was the captain on the track team, the fastest sprinter at the school, mr popularity, who I had an immediate crush on when I saw him- and he liked me NATURAL?!
You better believe it girls. Because when you get right down to it. Men like the real you. All real. If he loves you, he will want the real you.
----
We began dating June 7 2009. And I will have you know that he HATED how long it took, how plain it looked and how it smelt when I constantly straightened my hair! lol. He was like, why do you have to do that when you can just wear it curly all pinned up? I like that better. So I thought, hmm, it is easier. So I started wearing it that way...
After all, look at the damage I had done to my hair,
Later on he told me he didn't want me cutting my hair. I was like, *record stops* woah hold up wait a sec! I love cutting my hair! haha :) Well he convinced me to stop on account that he liked me natural. You know, the real Kendra. So I stopped cutting my hair. I think I trimmed it two more times and that was it. As more time went on, would you believe that Brendan wanted me to stop wearing make up too?? Now that one took a while... But eventually I did it when I got into truth. God used my honey to help me.
Imagine waking up every morning knowing that your husband loves you for you. He loves your natural curls, frizz, poof and all. He loves your skin, blemishes and all. He loves your beautiful natural nails, nail polish and acrylic free. He knows He has the real you. All of you. Nothing hiding.
Even greater than that, imagine knowing that God loves you for you.
If he didn't make your hair blonde, it was because He thought this masterpiece would look better with black hair.He may have thought, wow, she will be a stunning brunette. Her husband's heart will melt when he see's her for the first time!
If He didn't make your hair straight, it was because He thought curls would suit your face much better.
If He didn't make your hair curly it was probably because He knew He didn't bless you with enough patience :)
If He didn't make your nails pink, candy red or with a perfect french tip, it was because He liked the natural peach and soft pink of your nail beds much better.
If He didn't make your hair short- it was definitely because He gave it the ability to grow. And He called it your glory. And He blessed it to be your covering- your power source. In fact, He gave you the power of angels!
When God formed us, He created masterpieces. For us to alter ourselves would be like taking Mona Lisa and bedazzling it with rhinestones. Sounds funny but its the truth. Would you go into an art museum and destroy the art work? It would be absolutely insulting and disrespectful. Perhaps that is a great way to view ourselves when we alter things.
Am I saying you are committing a sin by wearing make up or nail polish?
Am I saying God gets mad at you when you dye and cut your hair?
Am I saying that God is against cosmetics?
Here is a great way to answer that question. Would the artist be happy with you ruining His masterpiece?
Here is to celebrating happy, healthy and long hair.
Here is to celebrating the masterpiece that God created.
Here is to celebrating the anti-damage, and anti-altering lady :)
Here is to celebrating me. Embracing me. THE REAL ME! And encouraging you to do the same!
No comments:
Post a Comment