In Heaven

(picture taken this morning)

That's where I've been for the last six days. Oh my goodness! I can't even begin to describe the last six days of my life! I had such a wonderful and peaceful labor and delivery experience. Ben was great, God blessed us with a sweet nurse that didn't mind working with an unmedicated mama, and my doctor was on call and excited about working with us...oh it was so perfect! I plan to write down my whole labor and delivery story soon, but I'm still not sure if I will share it here or not as I don't plan to leave out details. Maybe I can share a revised version here if any of you like to read birth stories (I do).

Labor and delivery seemed like a wonderful dream, but it still didn't feel real to me, then that night when it was just Ben and I alone with her it started to sink in. I told my doctor the next morning that it felt like I found out I was pregnant, having a girl, and I got my baby all in one day! If I'm being honest I have to say that my heart really never let me believe that we were having a baby. There were times that it would feel real for a minute, but then it would quickly fade. For the entire pregnancy I felt like my heart just ignored what was going on, even when I tried to force myself to feel something. The last six days have just been a happy blur of all of those emotions slowly settling in. Molly told me the day we got home "Mama, I just keep randomly crying when I see her. My eyes just fill up with tears and I can't help it, I'm just so happy!" I think that we all feel that way. I think we just wanted her so badly that we were afraid to feel it until she was here safe and sound. She really is such a little miracle! Shortly after she was born I told Ben "You know, I think I wanted a girl all along." And I know I would have felt the same way had she been a boy! She just felt so right, exactly who God meant for us to have and that's just what I wanted.

I made it to 36 weeks and 6 days! Those few extra days inside mama made a WORLD of difference! It is incredible what a difference just one more day can make. Those last few days were totally worth the fight! Claire has been so much easier in every way than my other babies. The biggest difference is nursing, she nursed at 20 minutes old like my other babies nursed at a month old. Now at 6 days old she nurses like they did at 4 months, it's crazy! My other babies were very jaundice and had to have billibeds, Miss Claire has just been eating so good that she is getting rid of it on her own. She is just such a dream, I never knew it could be like this!

I just can't wait another minute to show off her hospital pictures! I was trying to wait for them to come in the mail, but they still aren't here! So that's why I'm using the watermarked web photos that they let you share online. Isn't she perfect?! She was about 24 hours old here and the photographer was so in love with her. She just went on and on about how sweet Claire was with all of that hair, and how easy she was to photograph "Like a little porcelain doll." I was so proud! You know they probably tell all of the mamas that but I just had to believe her!

With all of these big kids around I just feel like I can't waste a moment with her, I know from experience how fast the first few days fly by and become years. I plan to enjoy every single moment that I can with this little gift. Oh friends! Can you believe how God answers prayers so perfectly? I just can't believe that God would bless us with our precious Bulgarian babies and another sweet biological baby!

If anyone needs me I'll be here holding an angel.....writing her birth story in my mind while we nurse....so sweet. xo, Sam

36 Weeks! Woot Woot!

I made it!  *HAPPY DANCE* Yes mam I did! I went to the doctor yesterday and got a great report! I'm medicine free, pump free, and just, well, free for the first time in months! All of these months of hard work and I have finally made it to the 36 week hump!!! 36 weeks and one day to be exact (that one day counts to me like a half year counts for a five year old). Yesterday on the way home from the doctor's office we stopped by the store and I got to look at baby things! Itty bitty tiny baby things! And I do believe that I finally feel some of that relieved excitement creeping over me! It's heavenly...I'm going to soak up every second of it until this baby is here in my arms (which the doctor thinks will be very soon) and the next time you hear from me there will be baby pictures to show! Itty bitty baby pictures! eek! xo, Sam

Preparations

Well it looks like we may be in the home stretch. My doctor told me Tuesday at my 35 week appointment that he doesn't think I'll make it back in next Tuesday, even with the pump on. His official prediction was that I will have this babe on Monday (on his birthday). I had dilated more and all of the signs seem to point towards having a baby in the next few days. I'm at peace with that. I've fought a good fight and I have come a long way and there just comes a point that you have to hand it over to God. That's what we have done. Monday, at almost 36 weeks, we have a pretty good chance of bringing baby home and I am so relieved to be past the 35 week mark. I'm telling ya, there were times in the hospital that I didn't think we would make it this time! Thank God I was wrong!

 So now we are trying little by little to get those last minute baby preparations done. Well, really, my baby sister and my mom is sort of pressuring me into getting them done. :) But that's fine, sometimes I need that little push. It's funny, I don't have that anxious drive to get ready like I did with the others. I'm not anxious at all knowing that I will be giving birth within a few days...Is it a fourth baby thing? Or could it still be my newly developed (in the last five years) defense mechanism that won't let me get excited until things are a done deal? I don't know, but I do know that I've enjoyed the peacefulness of it all. :) So far I have made out the call list, and made the baby bed....

I got mostly packed...but that has to be a two part process since I can't be up for long. I'm going to try to finish up tonight. 

With a little help from family we finally have all of the preemie clothes, onesies, blankets, and burp cloths, clean and put away. 

Boy I forgot just how tiny those sleepers were!

I still need to help the kids get packed, charge the camera batteries and get the SD cards cleaned off, catch up on a few emails, and make a list of things for Ben to put in the car on the way out the door....and then I think I'm done. A few other things that could be done but I think life can go on without them.

 So tell me, what all do you usually do in the last few days to get ready for a new baby? (Just in case I forgot anything! Ha!) I'll be back soon, maybe with a baby to show off! Will it be a Silas or Claire? :) xo, Sam

Easy like Sunday morning...

Sunday mornings around here have been much different for the last couple of months. I really miss going to church with my family and then to hang out with family after church at my mother-in-law's house, but we have found a way to make it special. Each week now one little one stays home from church to take care of mama. I try to have something special ready for them a snack, a movie, a project, something like that. This week it was Timothy's turn, and just like any little man, he's not hard to please! All he needed was a little junk food! Ben took him the night before to the "candy store" (AKA the gas station) and let him pick out his special prize. He got a bag of chips, some Dr. Pepper, and a bar of chocolate for mama. Sweet boy.

So this Sunday morning was spent watching "boy movies", eating junk food, and looking at unusual and "awesome" chips with my sweet little man. And he even let me take pictures of him! Do you see how dirty his hands are? It's from tending to the fire for me. I noticed them being filthy while he was showing me chips....but I figured, ah, it's his bag of chips, he can eat them with dirty hands if he wants! I mean this is his Sunday. :)

 

This one was a poisonous snake. He bit it's head off. By the way, how can his bed-head make me so happy? It's so Tim.

Our life right now is all about making things work. Like finding new ways to make a special day stay special. I look forward to being with my church family again and hanging with the family for lunch, but I will probably miss my special Sundays alone with each of these little people that make my life so full.



I'm still hanging in there. I've been in a bit of trouble for the last couple of days (too many contractions on the monitor) but I'm still hoping for a good report on Tuesday. I'm doing the best I can! I'll keep you posted. :) xo, Sam

I have my very own live-in nurse. :)

Tim had a very special birthday! He ate so many hot wings and cheese fries that I wondered if he really would be sick! He said "I'm going to eat hot wings and cheese fries for my next birthday too!" He got just what he wanted, a skateboard, a watch, vanilla cake with butter cream icing (thanks to daddy and Betty Crocker), and we watched about five hours of America's Funniest Home Videos until he fell asleep. He's one special little man with an amazing sense of humor, a giving spirit, the work ethic of a thirty year old, and the most tender little heart. Our world wouldn't be the same without our little man and he deserved a special day! 

Baby and I went to see the doctor Tuesday. I have to admit, after a hard sleepless night my outlook wasn't very good. When the second nurse came in to listen to baby's heartbeat I got a little nervous, when the doctor came in with the heart monitor and wanted to listen for himself I was just plain freaked out! He found a little arrhythmia that he said happens more often than people think, baby was having Premature Atrial Contractions. He assured me that baby will grow out of it by one month of age and that he wasn't worried at all. I feel much better about it now, but in that moment I thought I was going to completely loose it, the no sleep and back labor didn't help matters at all! As for me, I have been fighting a loosing battle with preterm labor for the last week, taking the maximum dose of brethine pills (every two hours even at night!), so he sent me home with my old pal "the pump".

 

The brethine pump isn't anything new for us, so it really wasn't a big surprise. The home healthcare nurse came out yesterday and got us all set up and I am feeling MUCH better now. Not being in labor is so awesome! While the nurse was here my little nurse, Molly, hung on her every word. It was like there was an unspoken understanding that she would be the one doing all of the needle sticks, pump refills, and contraction monitoring. She has always been our little nurse (that's what she wants to be one day) doctoring knees and elbows, but this was just the icing on the cake! She was like a pig in slop. I'll bet that kid checked my pump ten times yesterday to see if it was out of medicine yet! She almost couldn't wait.

 

This morning when the pump started beeping she RAN to check it out. She told me very seriously "Mom, you are almost out of medicine. I'm going to go get you another syringe, you go on to the living room and get in your recliner." I immediately obeyed, who am I to question such a confident nurse? She opened the instruction book just where the nurse had it marked it, read carefully, followed every instruction (as if it were life or death), and got mama up and running again.

Now she keeps asking "Is your site sore?" That's a sign that it's going bad and needs to be moved to the other leg. I think she's looking forward to sticking me. That's cool, I really don't like doing it myself, and I think she follows the instructions better than me anyhow. :)  

She's handling the twice a day contraction monitoring too, even sending the data over the transmitter for me. This is the life! All of the things that I dreaded having to do once I got the pump, she's taking care of! I should have done this two weeks ago! Having a live-in nurse isn't so bad, especially when they are so well trained. :)

I haven't got to do any crocheting yet but I hope to spend the weekend getting a good bit of those blankets done. I got a little side-tracked with the knitting and I haven't been working on them. I'll be back soon! xo, Sam

I don't know the plan, but I know it's going to be AWESOME!

Tomorrow is Tim's seventh birthday. I still don't really know how he got to be seven, he's supposed to be three, but I won't dwell on that now. We told our little man that this year will be pretty low-key because mama can't do much and all of that. He agreed that it will be worth it to have a brother or sister be born near his birthday. Since the girl's birthdays in December Tim has had one request for his birthday, hot wings and cheese fries. Yep, the boy wants to eat hot wings and cheese fries until he is sick on his Birthday, and since we have a doctors appointment for mama and baby tomorrow that's cool with us. Ben and I planned to get the man some wings and cheese fries, go to the doctor, and head back home. Of course there would be a simple cake (by Betty Crocker) and the opening of gifts, but no banners or balloons or any of that stuff that mama usually does. Well those were our plans.

I think there are other plans being made though....What do you think? Ben and Tim were out splitting and stacking wood this afternoon when I heard a lot of moving going on in the kitchen, so I went to investigate. It looks like "the girls" (that's what Tim calls them all the time and I think it's so cute) have plans of their own for Tim's big day. I didn't ask any questions. I try not to be nosey when they have secret plans, I like to be surprised too. Molly told me that she made him a banner and the rest I just observed. The banner is made from construction paper, blue duct tape, and she used markers and crayons on the letters.

They dressed the table in a new tablecloth, runners, and gifts. I have no idea what the gifts are, where they came from, or when they wrapped them, I just know that they said that they have been waiting five days to give them to him. By this time my heart was just bursting at the seams! To see my girls excitedly running around working to set things up for Tim's big day, while he was out, so that he could have a special day like mama usually does it....ahhh...there are no words. You see, these are the kinds of things that I would have never seen were I not on bed rest. If I had done it all as usual I would have never got this little glimpse into the hearts of two sisters who truly wanted to make their brother's birthday special. It's just so precious.

Most days around here they are just like any other siblings, they fight, they play, they argue, and have to be *reminded* how to treat each other...about a hundred times a day....you know, the normal brother sister stuff. They are best friends, play mates, and rivals all rolled into one. I'm proud of my girls today, and the little man that obviously deserves all of this attention. I just heard Molly tell him "Tim as soon as you wake up wake us up." He looked at her funny, because this kid NEVER asks anyone to wake her up, and said "Why Sis?" and she said "So that we can give you all of your prizes!"

 (Yes Maddie was posing in those last two pictures, and I have no earthly idea what the child has on, once again, I don't ask.) I have no idea what tomorrow may bring with these silly kids and their plans, but I know whatever it is, it will be awesome! And I know that my little man will have a very special seventh birthday, even if mama wasn't the one to pull it off....and I wouldn't change that for anything! No matter how upside down and crazy my life gets God is always there to show me something beautiful.

I'll be back soon with a baby update, birthday update, and maybe some crochet! I hope that you find something beautiful today too! xo, Sam

Date night and a few moments out.

Yesterday, Friday, my Mom called and said that they wanted to take the kids to the rodeo. Let's stop right here for a minute. First I didn't even know that we had a rodeo, and second how did Mom and Dad find out about it? Crazy. Anything is possible with those two. They are like a couple of teenagers who are always trying to steal my kids. But I guess that's cool, even if I don't like sharing I know that the kids have a blast and they are WELL taken care of...ahem...spoiled. ;) So Ben took the kids and dropped them off with my parents, then he came back home and surprised me with take-out, a movie, and chocolate....*insert hallelujah chorus here*.......Do you know what take-out means to someone who hasn't left the house in weeks? Oh, it's heavenly. And a grown up movie that you haven't seen fifty times? And chocolate? These, my friends, are the makings of the BEST date-night- in ever! It's the little things, it really is.

This morning Ben called to see if he could go and get the kids, and was denied. Apparently my parents and kids had grand plans to go to the national park and enjoy this beautiful day riding bikes. Brats. ;) It is a BEAUTIFUL day, almost seventy degrees, a nice breeze, the kind of day that kids should be riding bikes all day. The kind of day that, under normal circumstances, I would enjoy outdoors start to finish. This is where my day gets really good. Ben took my big cushy green chair outside for me! He dragged it out to the end of the porch, where I can see all of my animals, and let me plop my big pregnant rear right there for as long as I wanted. It was so nice...no, perfect. I've been needing some fresh air and I've really been missing my animals.

And there we sat. We talked about all of the things we want to do in the spring, the garden, camping, bike riding, walking, building a new bridge with the kids over the creek, climbing. We talked about having a new baby here soon. Still a crazy thought! We watched Dot and Kitty play together, those two are such big buddies, it's adorable. I listened to the goats talk to each other and watched them climb the big new roll of hay, goats are so much fun to watch. I looked at how dirty the arms of my green chair look in the sun, and mentally planned to wash all of my slipcovers next month when I'm up and running again. I noticed that my toes could use another polish, and smiled as I remembered Molly saying "Mama, until the baby comes I'll keep your toenails painted for you." It's funny the things that you appreciate so much when you have been "down" for a while. It has just been a wonderful weekend, full of unexpected simple pleasures, and I want to remember it just like this....I hope that your weekend is full of unexpected simple pleasures too! xo, Sam

Adjustments

It has been over a week since I have posted here on the old abandoned blog, I miss you guys! As you can imagine, this last week has been FULL of adjustments for our family. On my end I've been trying to get adjusted to total bed rest and my new medicines. The first week on the brethine is always the worst as far as side effects go, so it should begin to get better from here on out. I've mainly just been really shaky (Ben says that he's going to put me in charge of the jiffy pop! Silly boy), it's been really hard to concentrate (which is why I haven't been able to even throw together a blog post, believe me, I tried, it wasn't pretty), and I only manage to get about four hours of sleep a night. I may be going a little crazy with nothing to work on, but I'm determined to try to crochet soon and maybe since my hands know the motions so well (after 15 years!) it will work out. This not crafting stuff is for the birds! I NEED some handmade therapy! :)



Baby and I are doing well, but my doctor doesn't think we will make it past 36 weeks. We went for another visit on Tuesday. Things seem to be moving more quickly since it all started this time...maybe it's my age or how many babies I've had, I don't know. I just keep praying for a strong healthy baby that gets to come home with mama and daddy! I don't worry so much about girls because both of my girls got to come home with us, but boys....oh those lazy white boys, Tim's little lungs just were not ready. He had to stay for 10 days in the NICU, we got to have him home for a week, and then he went back to the hospital with RSV and stayed another week. If this baby is a boy I sure hope he's ready!



My sweet family has had more adjustments than me. They went from having a part time mama to being full time mama caretakers, everyone has taken on more work and responsibilities. They have all made me so proud! The kids have taken on more chores, and they take shifts "babysitting mama". What they call "babysitting mama" is getting all of my drinks, snacks or meals, snickling (snuggling) up to me (you know how I hate to sit, sleep, or even be by myself), occasionally playing with my hair (LOVE), and getting anything else that a bed bound mama may need. They are such sweet babies! Ben, oh poor Ben, he is working full time outside the home and inside the home. He has cooked, cleaned, done laundry, done a little "nesting" for me, and just been the best Mr. Mom ever! My family has really been wonderful and I am so grateful!



This pregnancy has been different for us. It's been such a shocker from the beginning, and to be honest I still don't think it has quite hit us yet that there will be a baby here in just a few weeks! My children have learned a lot, because with Molly only being three when we brought Maddie home, they don't have any memories of mama pregnant (or what all is involved in that!). I think that we have all learned to appreciate each other a little more, I sooo appreciate them all stepping up and taking care of things while I can't, and they are learning to appreciate mama for all of those jobs that usually get done without notice. Overall there have been a lot of changes around here in the last week or so, and a lot of adjustments have been made, and I have to say that I feel like the most BLESSED mama in the world right now! I have a wonderful supportive family, a sweet baby on the way, adoption paperwork seems to be moving right along at the moment, and God has taken care of everything! Life is crazy, but good. :)



I'll be back soon with pictures from my nest. I've decided to try to document more of this process in the next few weeks. Wanna come along?  xo,Sam

Ben, baby and I went on a little trip...

....they had room service and good ice....

....pull out beds....

....things that go "ding" and "bing" in the night (and day come to think of it)...

...and a few other extras. Funny thing is, with all of the laying around that you do in this place, I only seemed to get a few minutes sleep in the whole night and day that I was there! I think that sleep may be forbidden at this particular place (and other places like it).

By now you've probably guessed that it wasn't exactly a vacation. :) We made our first preterm-labor-trip to the hospital on Monday night. The procardia just wasn't helping with the contractions that were coming steadily at 3-4 minutes apart, so we bit the bullet and drove in. We officially have about 8 1/2 weeks left before this baby is due, so it's not quite time yet. Thank God for good doctors that don't mind working with high risk trouble-makers like me! After a few shots, sticks, IV fluids, lots of pills, and steroid shots (to help develop baby's lungs quickly), my body calmed down and labor stopped. They have change my medicines up again and as of now it seems to be holding. They let me come home tonight, but now that I'm "dilated and thinned out" the "strict bed rest" begins! The very shaky Brethine kind. This may sound like bad news, but it's actually very good news for us! First off we have never before made it completely through the second trimester without being dilated, and this time I made it to the third! Second, we have always had to make our first hospital run at least a couple of weeks before now! So who knows? I may be able to hold out for 36 1/2 weeks this time or MAYBE even 37 weeks. A girl can dream right?

I had a crafting post lined up for yesterday, but I wasn't feeling so hot with the back-labor and all, so I will try to get that posted in the next few days. There may not be many more crafty posts for a while, as it's almost impossible to work with these shaky fingers, but you'll still come and visit wont you? Right? I'll see you soon friends! I'll keep ya posted on little Silas or Claire. Oh, and if you have an extra minute today could you send up a little prayer? Thanks :) xo, Sam